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The Seat Filler

Updated: Feb 12, 2019

Ladies, I’m going to be honest with you. Love is not easy, especially when we take God out of the equation. The matters of the heart are a delicate topic, but they need to be addressed with love, compassion and a willingness to take the necessary steps so healing can truly begin.

Imagine you are sitting in your favorite restaurant. There is music playing softly in the background, and you are in a beautiful dress with your signature bag and a beautiful pair of shoes to match. Your hair is on point, and your makeup is flawless. Across from you at the table is your date but deep down inside you have this nagging feeling that you’re making a big mistake.

He’s almost right but not quite right. You feel that where he is weak in character, you can surely make up the difference and transform those weaknesses into strengths over time. The only problem is that some of those ‘issues’ are major ones and should be a deal breaker.

However, because you aren’t willing to spend another Valentine’s Day alone, you make a decision that you are going to ignore some major red flags. Ladies, this is called compromise. It always costs us down the road, and the price is always more than what we are willing to pay. In essence, a seat filler is someone we give place to in our life who shouldn’t be there or just aren’t ready. If we’re honest, many of us can raise our hand and say we’re guilty of this at one time or another in our life. I know you can’t see me, but my hand is raised on this one too.

Why do we sometimes settle? Why do we sometimes feel that we have to be with someone to feel beautiful and valuable? We know he isn’t the ‘one,’ but we take his calls anyway. We accept his compliments anticipating when the next one will come. We water down some of our deal breakers and say they really weren’t a big deal after all.

Whenever I have teeter tottered on the brink of compromise in relationships, I can personally trace it back to fear and a self-worth/esteem issue. Fear that I’m getting older and most of my friends met their boo when they were in college or in their 20s, and here I am in my 30s. Or, the questioning of whether I’m truly worth it. To get back to the right reality, I have to confront the fear and self-image with reminding myself that I am fearfully and wonderfully made in God’s image. I remind myself that a counterfeit, as shiny as gold as it may be seem to be, will eventually fade to its true state. I remind myself that God loves me and if I trust him and wait, he’s bringing something better my way.

If you’re single and haven’t connected with the right ‘one’ for you, take this time to grow. Grow in your character, come to a place of peace and healing in your heart, travel and enjoy life, pick up a new hobby (I love ice skating), find and develop in your purpose in life… The list can go on, but you fill it in with what you know your next steps should be.

Ladies, on Valentine’s Day and every day, we are worth it…


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