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Before You Say Yes and I Do

Updated: Feb 1, 2018

Distractions come in many packages, and wrong relationships are definitely one of them.

Ladies, it’s crucial who you date and marry. This is one decision that should not be made lightly. Don’t make the mistake of getting in a hurry and rushing into a dating relationship and ultimately marriage without some careful consideration and wisdom on how to choose wisely.

Distractions come in many packages, and wrong relationships are definitely one of them. If you gamble with your life in relationships, you can come up short with something that is a far cry from what you really want. Listen to me ladies…it’s not worth it. You need to be ready, and the man who you are considering needs to be ready. So, what do I mean when I say ready?

Here are some initial tips (trust me; this is not an all-inclusive list, only a start for an ongoing conversation):

Know Him & Be Whole and Complete in Him First. Know God first and allow yourself time to come to a place of peace and wholeness in Him. Being single is not the bubonic plague, and it surely won’t kill you to be in this season without a ‘boo’ or a husband. Especially if you need time to heal, grow and develop as a woman.

Having a relationship with God is the most important one you can have; all other relationships are secondary. He is the foundation for our life and without Him at our core; we can be building on faulty foundations that won’t last. As a young teenage girl going into adulthood, I struggled with low self-esteem and my identity. I had to take time to get in the Word to find out who I was in Christ, and let the Word redefine my value as a woman.

Also, take time to develop spiritually, financially and professionally. Don’t come into a relationship with your life in a million pieces. Bring some value to the table. I believe we make better choices in dating and can be an asset instead of a liability when we are walking in some level of maturity and stability in these areas.

There is a huge difference in the type of man you date and marry if you are broken and wounded vs. being whole and complete in Christ.

Discover Your Purpose/Calling. Okay ladies, this is a big one too! You really need to know where you are headed in life. Your path is unique and everyone isn’t called to journey with you. People you meet may be a coincidence and no further investments are needed except to be a light as you continue making progress in your journey. Without a vision from God for your life, you can end up earning degrees you don’t need, working at jobs never intended for you and marrying a man who isn’t compatible with where you really are supposed to be headed with the Lord. One of the first things I did as a new believer was time in prayer and intentional growth to discover God’s purpose/calling on my life.

Know where you’re going and where he is going up front in a potential relationship. You need to connect with someone who isn’t only a good fit for where you are today but who you’ll be 10-15 years down the road. Lean on God to help you choose wisely.

Don’t Date Someone After the Flesh, but After the Spirit. Packaging can deceive you ladies. A few months ago, I started getting caught up in how fine this man was who was interested in me and had to come back to reality. The reality was that there was no spiritual maturity or fruit in his life of having a real relationship with God. Words tell but actions reveal.

There should be some spiritual fruit in your life and in the man who is interested in dating you. Examples of fruit are things like: holiness, abstaining from sex before marriage, a man of the Word and prayer, etc. If your friends were to ask you what’s impressive about this man’s spiritual walk with the Lord and His commitment to Christ, would you have some real answers?

You want a Christian man who is spiritually mature with fruit in his life to prove it. Don’t get caught up in potential. Potential is great, but there are no guarantees that he will actually tap into it over the course of his life. If you can’t live with and accept this man as a spiritual covering in your home to lead you and your future children exactly as he is today with the reality he may never change, walk away. Don’t punish people later in a relationship for who they never were when you met them. Our life is valuable and precious. Let’s live well and choose wisely…


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